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Russian chocolate reviews

This page is one of a series of international chocolate reviews.

Greetings, comrades. Lucy committed a political indiscretion at work and was temporarily exiled to Siberia Moscow, where she located the following chocolatey treats.

I am including the actual Cyrillic names, corrected by somebody on Wiktionary. I trust they will display correctly for everybody.

A. в шоколаде фундук

A dark hazelnut filling, very slightly crunchy but denser than praline, coated with pitch-dark chocolate. The snack value per ball is somewhat higher than airy Maltesers, though they are the same size. Absurd woodland antics are taking place on the back of the packet, where a butterfly watches a juggling beaver in a spotted neckerchief.

B. десерт «Бонжур»

Made by the "CJSC Production Association" — as part of a five-year plan, no doubt. The yellow wrapper suggests something light and lemony, but the picture shows flowers, not lemons. Contents: one large round chocolate thing, pretty badly crushed and smelling of strong liqueur. The top half contains a squeezy white marshmallow filling, and the bottom is a semi-soft biscuit base; they are separated by a teeny layer of fruity jam. Very rich and a bit overpowering.

C. Вечерний звон

The wrapper depicts a fortified Russian castle of some kind. Quite a big bar, with large white almonds protruding from it. The chocolate is extremely dark and dry, lacks sweetness, and doesn't really taste like much. There's supposed to be cognac in it, but I wasn't convinced.

D. Россия — щедрая душа

This looks like it will be yogurty, with blueberries, cherries and strawberries floating in a white sea and a spoon hovering hopefully in the vicinity. The bar is flat and delicious, split into large rectangular sub-slabs like old oak wall panels. The pink filling doesn't taste particularly fruity, but it's sweet and dense and tasty, like the stuff in a Kinder Egg. Yum.

E. Вдохновение

Crushed hazelnuts in dark chocolate, let down by an off-putting rice crispie cake smell and general blandness. The wrapper brashly declares CHOCOLATE in big letters down one side (and in Russian on the opposite side), which, together with the slightly twee ballet motif on the front, makes me think that this is one for the tourists.

F. суфле «Рузанна»

This comes in a little cardboard tray. The picture looks like a choc-ice with a pinkish centre and embedded cherry. Contents also resemble a choc-ice, but smaller. It smells a bit weird: more like artificial mystery fruit than cherry. And oh, it's really good. The centre is chewy and very mildly flavoured, almost like strawberry. The little fruity bits are convincing and tasty. Cherry and chewiness both have the potential to ruin chocolate, but not in this case.

G. Cadbury Темпо

This is exciting: a Cadbury bar I've never heard of. The Cyrillic in this case is simple enough for me to decipher Tempo. It's a light and smallish bar, featureless and narrow with square edges and a slightly synthetic vanilla smell. Beneath the milk chocolate are multiple sandwiched layers of wafer and something chocolatey. Perhaps intended as a mid-morning snack to accompany coffee.

H. орехов

I love the English ingredients on this one. "Dry milk"? "Emulgator"? The bar is wrapped in silver foil and consists of five big chunky blocks, which I gobbled sequentially. It's dark but quite sweet, and the hazelnut is crushed into the chocolate rather than poking out annoyingly as it does with Fruit and Nut. The pattern on each piece is made of five interlocking hoops and reminds me of the Olympic Games.

I. Алёнка

This transliterates as Alenka, a girl's name, presumably that of the waifish orphan girl on the front (or is she a matryoshka doll?). It's a small, slim, flat bar with swirly patterns and stripes on it. There's no filling, and the chocolate tastes darker than it looks. Bournville for street urchins.

J. А. Коркунов (beige)

Unopened, I find this "kopkyhob" really appealing as an object: it is just the right weight and has a nice smooth paper wrapper on the outside and a thick embossed gold one on the inside. Opened, it releases a pleasant truffly smell. There are five striped blocks filled with slightly chewy praline with bits of something in it. Puffed rice or shortcake biscuit? No idea. Delicious.

K. А. Коркунов (green)

I thought this would be minty, but if anything the flavour seems to be vodka. There's definitely some alcohol in it. Just as good as its beige brother; possibly better, in fact, because of the smoother texture.

L. Бабаевский (red)

A classy, serious-looking bar with a gold building on it. I could imagine thousands of these stacked in a bank vault. It looks very dark and smells dark, too, with a barely perceptible fruity hint like a Cherry Ripe bar. The utilitarian blocky shape portends a snapping of biscuit, but no, the centre is a nutty truffle. Very good, marred only by a minor chalky aftertaste.

M. Бабаевский (brown)

A peculiarly dusty bar that might have just emerged from a heap of cocoa. It has that kind of drinking-chocolate taste, as well. The surface breaks easily to reveal a nearly liquid filling, very light brown, with an alcoholic zing. English ingredients are printed minutely in poorly chosen colours, but I make out three in a row: "cognac, spirits, flavoring identical to a natural one". So it's artificial, then?

N. CityBird

What an intriguing package: it's a pointy elliptical cylinder, and there are strange stylised logos of a bird, a shooting star, and some houses. There's a synthetic, glossy white plastic sheath inside that says apple-buckthorn. The bar is squishy and chewy, a textural cross between a Wham bar and a flapjack: it's quite oatcakey, and seems to be sandwiched in rice paper. (I hope I'm meant to be eating this bit.) The taste is decidedly appley — I don't know about buckthorn berries — and I feel like a healthy jogger.